My Thoughts

Photo: Istock  Modern relationships often blur the line between closeness and constant availability. Texts answered instantly. Plans rearranged at the last minute. Personal time quietly sacrificed in the name of love. At first, it feels generous. Over time, it feels exhausting. Real intimacy should never cost you your sense of self. Boundaries are often misunderstood as distance or coldness, yet they are one of the healthiest foundations a relationship can have. They define how you want to be treated, how you protect your energy, and how much of yourself you’re willing to give without resentment. Far from pushing a partner away, they create clarity and respect. Photo: Getty images  Think of boundaries as everyday decisions rather than dramatic declarations. Protect your time the same way you protect your work deadlines. Keep space for friends, solo evenings, and personal goals. You don’t need to explain why you can’t make every plan or answer every cal...

Photo: Psychology Today Breakups rarely end when the relationship does. Long after the calls stop and the photos are deleted, something quieter lingers the replay. The mind rewinds conversations, red flags, small discomforts we brushed aside. We dissect months, sometimes years, with forensic precision. We ask sharper questions than we ever did while we were still in it. Why didn’t I see it earlier? Why did I stay? Why did I ignore the signs? Somehow, the story shifts. The other person’s actions fade into the background, and the blame settles squarely on us. We turn heartbreak into a personal failure. Photo: BetteHelp The habit of rewriting history Hindsight carries a dangerous clarity. Once the ending is known, every past moment seems obvious. The ignored text feels like proof. The uneasy gut feeling becomes a warning we “should” have trusted. The compromises look foolish. Yet relationships are lived forward, not backward. At the time, we were operating with ho...

Photo: Istock Past relationships have a quiet way of shaping our expectations. Over time, many people begin to believe love must follow a specific script regular calls, constant reassurance, certain gestures and when it unfolds differently, they mistake that difference for a lack of care. For those who have experienced neglect or emotional strain, kindness can feel unfamiliar. When someone finally shows up with patience and consistency, it almost feels foreign. Receiving healthy love requires unlearning habits built around disappointment, and that adjustment can be harder than most people admit. Photo: Istock  Betrayal leaves another kind of mark . After trust has been broken, the mind shifts into defense mode. Every action is analyzed, every word examined for hidden meaning. Even sincerity can look suspicious. Instead of safety, the heart prepares for loss before it happens. Old wounds also tend to resurface in quieter ways. Insecurities get projected o...

Photo: Shutterstock  It’s the little things or so they say. But in today’s world, those “small things” can pile up faster than a TikTok scroll session, and before you know it, a relationship that seemed solid is suddenly on shaky ground. From arguments over who didn’t text back first, to disagreements about what counts as “liking” someone else’s post, modern couples face a new set of challenges ones our parents’ generation could hardly imagine. Social media , while connecting us, has also amplified insecurity, jealousy, and unrealistic expectations. Photo: Dreamtime Take the “story comparison” trap, for example. Scrolling through endless highlight reels of friends, influencers, and exes can make your own relationship feel like it’s falling short even when it’s perfectly fine. Suddenly, minor disagreements over chores or date nights feel monumental, because in your feed, everyone else seems to be living the perfect romance. Then there’s the endless overthink...

Photo: Adobe stock  Disagreements are part of any relationship. Lasting damage often comes from the words fired off in the heat of the moment. A little restraint can protect trust, tone, and respect. These six habits keep conversations honest without turning them hurtful.   Pause before responding Give yourself a few seconds to breathe. Slowing your reaction helps you choose your words instead of speaking on impulse. Photo: Newsone   Stick to the current issue Avoid dragging in past mistakes or unrelated grievances. One topic at a time keeps the discussion clear and solvable.   Describe feelings, not flaws Focus on behaviour, not character. Say “I felt ignored” rather than “You’re selfish.” It keeps your partner open instead of defensive.   Drop extreme language “Always” and “never” exaggerate and escalate. Be specific about what happened and what you need. Photo: Onipa Take a short break if emotions spike Step away briefly, ...

Photo: Getty images   There’s a quiet exhaustion that comes from always being the one who tries harder. The one who texts first. Who explains twice. Who forgives faster. Who lowers expectations just to keep the peace. At first, it feels generous. Mature, even. You tell yourself relationships require compromise. You pride yourself on being understanding. Then one day, you notice something uncomfortable: you’re carrying the entire weight of two people. And calling it love. Affection should never feel like negotiation. Respect isn’t a prize you earn through endurance. Care isn’t something you chase down corridors of mixed signals and inconsistent behavior. Photo: Getty images  Yet many people stay trapped in dynamics where basic decency feels like a reward. A returned call becomes impressive. A simple apology feels monumental. Consistency looks like luxury. That’s how standards quietly erode. The bare minimum starts masquerading as effort. Healthy rela...

Photo: Dreamtime Careers to build. Deadlines to meet. Messages to answer. Somewhere between early mornings and late nights, the people we care about most often receive whatever time is left. Calls go unanswered, plans get postponed, and date nights quietly turn into “maybe next week.” It rarely happens out of neglect. Life simply moves fast. Work demands attention. Ambitions grow louder. Energy runs low. The popular advice says, “If they want to, they’ll make time.” In reality, adulthood rarely works that neatly. Promotions don’t wait. Bills don’t pause. Responsibilities pile up. Sometimes love gets squeezed into the margins of a calendar already filled to the brim. So how do you protect your relationship when both of you are chasing goals, juggling pressure, and trying to stay afloat? Here’s how couples stay connected even during their busiest seasons.   Photo: Depositphotos Stop waiting for “free time” Free time is a myth. If you wait until everyt...

Photo: Istock  Personally, I believe nobody is too quiet to talk. It only takes the right starter or question to get them talking. I’ve had friends who everyone swore were “muted” and hardly spoke, yet I’ve been lucky enough to know how to get them to open up. Some weeks ago, I was having a casual conversation with a friend when she said, “Oh, my husband he’s the quiet one and never talks.” I told her she simply hadn’t found the right button yet to make him talk. And that’s the thing quiet people aren’t empty. They’re just waiting for the right entry point. Here’s what I’ve discovered works: Photo: Google Ask questions that feel natural, not interrogative Quiet partners shut down fast when questions feel like interviews. Instead of “Why don’t you talk?”, try open-ended prompts that invite stories. Casual curiosity works better than pressure. Talk about their interests, not just yours Everyone lights up when the topic hits home. It could be work, music, ...

Photo: Google Once upon a time, relationships had names. Dating led somewhere, commitment followed intention, and even heartbreak arrived with clarity. Today, romance prefers to hover in the grey. Welcome to the situationship era where feelings are present, routines are intimate, expectations are unspoken, and definitions are carefully avoided. A situationship thrives on familiarity without responsibility. You talk every day. You share jokes, secrets, late nights, and sometimes bodies. You know each other’s moods, triggers, and comfort meals. Yet the question “What are we?” sits untouched, like a fragile ornament no one wants to knock over. It is connection without confirmation, intimacy without insurance. Photo: UBER IMAGES The appeal is obvious. Situationships feel lighter. There is no pressure to perform commitment, no timelines to negotiate, no future to explain. In a culture shaped by dating apps, endless options, and emotional burnout, keeping things und...

Photo: Istock There’s no hotel receipt. No suspicious scent. No dramatic confession delivered in fragments. And yet, something has shifted. Emotional cheating rarely arrives with spectacle. It unfolds quietly through long voice notes, private jokes, conversations that feel a little too personal to be harmless. By the time it’s acknowledged, the damage often feels settled rather than sudden. That’s what makes emotional infidelity difficult to pin down. The boundaries seem negotiable. Talking isn’t touching. Confiding isn’t kissing. Nothing overt has happened except the relationship now feels crowded. Photo: Shutterstock  At its core, emotional cheating is about intimacy and access. Someone else becomes the first person they tell about their day, their stress, their small victories. Emotional attention that once belonged inside the relationship begins to live elsewhere. The shift may be subtle, but its impact rarely is. Unlike physical cheating , which can...

Photo: DreamWorks  Move over, ghosting and breadcrumbing a new dating trend is quietly taking over social media: Shreking . Popularized by Gen Z on TikTok and lifestyle blogs in 2025, shreking is when someone intentionally dates a partner they’re not fully attracted to, often because that person offers comfort, attention, or emotional ease.  The term draws a playful connection to the Shrek films: unconventional love that challenges traditional beauty standards. But in modern dating slang, it’s less about fairy tales and more about strategy opting for consistency, loyalty, or what some call “soft life vibes” over chemistry or passion. For many, shreking offers a kind of relief.  Photo: Freepik There’s less know drama, fewer ego battles, and a relationship that feels easier to maintain. It’s a conscious choice to prioritise emotional safety, stability, and predictability sometimes at the expense of spark or romance. But the trend isn’t without i...

Photo: Istock It was Friday night, and Sule had planned a “surprise” romantic evening. Candles? Check. Wine? Check. Sexy playlist? Double check. But when the moment came… crickets. Not the fun kind just awkward scrolling on their phones. Sound familiar? If your once-steamy sex life has slipped into “meh” territory, you’re not alone. Desire can fade but the spark can always be reignited. Stress Is a Sneaky Libido Killer Between work emails, family obligations, and endless to-do lists, sexual desire often gets shoved to the back burner. Chronic stress floods your system with cortisol, draining energy and making intimacy feel exhausting. A short evening walk, a playful dance in the living room, or a few minutes of mindfulness can make all the difference in resetting your energy and your mood. Photo: Google Communication Gaps Kill Connection If bedroom conversations are limited to “good morning” and “good night,” it’s no wonder passion is fading. Desire thrive...

Photo: Google Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person seeks to make another doubt their perception, memory, or sanity. The term originates from the 1938 play Gas Light and its subsequent film adaptations, where a husband manipulates small elements of his home environment to make his wife question her reality. Today, gaslighting is widely recognized as a common tactic in emotional abuse, often leaving long-lasting mental and emotional scars. Photo: Google How Gaslighting Works Gaslighting typically unfolds gradually. The manipulator may deny facts, twist events, or trivialize feelings , making the victim question their recollections. Common tactics include: Denial of Facts: “That never happened,” or “You’re imagining things.” Minimizing Feelings: “ You’re overreacting,” or “You’re too sensitive.” Projection: Accusing the victim of behaviors or intentions the manipulator exhibits themselves. Isolating the Victim: Undermining th...

Photo: Stock Not all draining relationships are loud or chaotic. Some lose energy through small, repeated habits that feel harmless at first, then slowly wear you down. Constant emotional translating Regularly decoding a partner’s moods, silences, or reactions creates a steady mental load . Over time, carrying this emotional interpretation becomes exhausting. Photo: Google Always being the flexible one Consistently adjusting your plans, opinions, or boundaries to avoid tension shifts the balance of effort. When compromise flows in one direction, fatigue follows. Performing happiness in public Maintaining a cheerful front socially while privately struggling creates emotional strain. Keeping appearances intact often requires more energy than honesty. Photo: Google Conversations without resolution Revisiting the same concerns without progress erodes patience. When discussions repeat without change, communication starts to feel heavy. Minimising your n...