My Thoughts

Credit: Getty images   Not every meaningful connection arrives with fireworks , dramatic declarations, or a cinematic soundtrack. Some people enter your life quietly and still manage to change its rhythm. The signs aren’t loud. They settle in gently, then stay. You feel like yourself fully. There’s no pressure to impress, perform, or soften your edges. You’re not editing your personality mid-sentence or wondering how you’re coming across. You exist as you are, and that’s enough. Credit: Google  Silence feels natural. The absence of conversation doesn’t create discomfort. You can sit together without filling the space, scroll independently, or drift into thought without explanation. The connection holds, even when words pause. You’re not confused about where you stand. You’re not decoding mixed signals or replaying conversations for hidden meaning. There’s clarity in how they show up, how they communicate, and how they treat you. Nothing feels am...

photo: Getty images  Love has a way of pressing emotional buttons you didn’t even know existed. One careless comment can sting longer than it should. A delayed reply can spiral into a full internal monologue. Relationships don’t create emotions, but they do expose how we handle them. Keeping emotions in check doesn’t mean becoming detached or swallowing how you feel. It means responding with intention instead of letting reactions run the show. These four habits make that difference clear. photo: Getty images  Pause Before You Respond Especially When You’re Triggered Arguments rarely fall apart because of the issue at hand. They unravel because of timing. The moment emotions peak is the worst time to make a point, explain yourself, or demand clarity. That pause whether it’s a deep breath, a walk, or asking for a moment creates space between what you feel and what you say. It prevents words that can’t be taken back and reactions you later have to ...

It takes work, dedication, and vulnerability on both sides to develop an emotional bond with one's partner. Meaningful and long-lasting relationships are built from understanding, patience, empathy, support, forgivness, honesty and trust. Seat back with a hot mug of chocolate tea as I dive into the concluding part of "ten ways to build emotional connection with your partner." Shall we?  Be Understanding and Supportive: Providing understanding and support to others in good times and bad builds emotional closeness. Even without saying it your partner needs your support when they're stressed out or having difficulties. Let them know that you are available to listen  whenever they need to talk about their feelings, ideas, or worries without passing judgment.   Be understanding and kind make them feel comfortable in sharing their vulnerabilities and insecurities this can be done by  actively listening and encouraging them. Another way of being understand...

Relationships are not a walk in the park; they require serious commitment from both parties. No relationship is a bed of roses. Forget what is presented on social media, as it often doesn't reflect reality. Most of us make the mistake of comparing our relationships to others, judging ours based on what someone else is showing about their spouse or relationship. What we forget is that every relationship is unique, just like the individuals involved and their needs. This post was inspired by recent complaints from friends and acquaintances: "My partner's so difficult to deal with," "My spouse doesn't talk about anything," My partner's emotionally detached," so many complains. Most times the problem is not with the person you're with but lies in you not understanding their emotional needs. However, there's no need to worry. There are several ways to make your partner feel more emotionally connected to you. That being said, let...

Relationships should be a 50/50 split where both partners meet in the middle, taking and giving equally. But if you're exclusively concerned about yourself and have zero regards for your partner's needs it becomes negative and psychologically unhealthy. Being the selfish one means you receive without giving in return, and think your partner needs you more than you need them. The purpose of this post is to help you turn the tide around and focus on your partner's emotions and needs if you're the self absorbed one in your 'ship.'  With no delay let's dig into it. Below are six signs you're the selfish partner. You're Unaware of your   Partner's   Needs In order for balance to exist in any relationship, it is important you pay attention to your partner's needs, but in a situation where you consistently put your needs ahead of your partner's and expect them to constantly do things for you, there is bound to be a problem. The po...

     Picture Credit: CanStockPhoto.com I wrote a post some years ago about moving on from a bad breakup, and the response was impressive. Truth is, a lot of us actually find it difficult moving on after years spent with someone.  A lot of people have been messed up in a way that they don't  trust anyone enough to want to start a relationship with. In some people's world relationship is a war, you either shoot or get shot at. I hope this post helps you move and find love. Forgive Forgiveness is a choice, and comes easy for some, but forgetting is the problem. No matter how hurt you feel, the big step to finding love again is forgiving your ex and moving on.  You can’t keep hauling around a baggage that is years-old let it go, open your heart; whoever broke your heart is in the past. Do not take the mistake of one person on an entire gender. Stop putting every other person in the basket with your ex. Know this, no two people are same.  There ...

          Image credit: istockphoto You and your partner seem to have so much in common before you started dating. Now pressure of life has dealt you both, making you feel more like cell mates than soul mates.  Several times you’ve stayed up wake trying to piece together where the difference is really coming from. Not to worry I’ve listed some identifiable things causing strain in your relationship below. Reality sets in The daily routine of work and financial setback and dealing with life in general can chip a way at a good relationship, bringing about unexpected problems that can strain a relationship. Irreconcilable differences At the early stage of relationship people tend to overlook differences.  Once the relationship becomes serious couples begin to discover how unalike they are in several ways such as the area of communication, problem solving and finance management. Differences that once were ignored become unacceptable. Emotional ...

       Image credit: www.istockphoto.com Relationships come in different sizes and shapes and all with its peculiar problems. Sometimes it’s easy to forget the good times and be overwhelmed with the problem.  It will be another cliche shot to say some differences between couples cannot be resolved. That almost perfect relationship you desire is attainable, all it takes is if you recognize your problem and find a way pass it. Focus on your partner’s good qualities This can be a difficult task especially if things have been rough in the relationship. An easy way to achieve this is; write down things you like about them.  Keep the list, memorize it or save in your mobile phone and regularly refer to the list as a reminder of why you are with them.  Focusing on the positive qualities of your partner helps you put up with your differences. Spend time together Remember how you both loved to spend time doing things you love together when you start...

.               Image credit: Shutterstock As humans our need for communication is very high. The level of communication between a man and a woman either make or break the relationship. I realized the reason why communication is still a major problem in relationship is because couples think they hear themselves speak, but actually don’t listen, that is why even with hundreds of thousands books and audios on communication it is still a major problem in relationships. Communication between couples should be easy; it is wrong to get tensed anytime you wish to bring something that bothers you to the notice of your partner. Your conversation should flow natural and be a way you connect with yourselves. But to achieve this you’d need to work on yourself especially if you have a partner who is difficult to communicate with. Tone is Important One key element of communication is tone; it is the foundation where the message is laid on. Your tone conv...

One device that is a most have in our time is the mobile phone. Gone are the days when people flaunt the flip phones or phones with analog antennas. In recent times, people’s preferences have shifted to the Samsung and Iphones due to the  class associated with them.   Two of the trendiest of these devices right now is the Galaxy S21Pro and Apple Iphone 12 Pro Max. Both Tech-savvy individuals and those with zero knowledge of how technology works, are drawn to their extraordinary features as well as wowed by their amazing specs such as; the Iphone’s Stainless steel frame, 120H2 pro motion displays and Higher-end photography options and the Samsung’s first internally Snap dragon 888 processor, compass, Dual pixel PDAF. These fearures enable them to keep in touch with friends and followers on social media. But a downside is behind the sophistication of these devices are a gazillion problems it poses unknowingly to relationships. Diminish Physical Interaction Whether in...

The first step to self discovery is taking responsibility for your actions. The best of us are stuck in a particular position because we have refused to take responsibility for whatsoever we are going through, we tend to blame our partners, parents, siblings, friends, colleagues and children for our wrong choices. And refuse to own our setbacks as stemming from us. We blame our unhappiness in relationship on our partner, our stagnant career on our boss, financial instability on the country’s economy, children for taking away our social life, and nag about not given a bigger stage to showcase our talents, throwing blames around, but leaving the person who deserve to be questioned and blamed ‘ourselves.' The truth is, growth cannot come from shifting blames to others. The fact of the matter is, we are given a living space on earth for a reason; to make a difference, standout, to impact lives and change the world by leaving a mark so that when we take our last breath our s...

Criticism is an essential tool for growth in relationships, but becomes a malfunction if taken to the extreme.  I know there is the need for us to be critical with our words, just for the aim of pushing our partner to become a better person or like the next person we secretly admire. According to Psychotherapist and Sex Therapist Caitlyn Cantor "It is what you do with criticism that determines whether it will build closeness or not." Accept your partner’s individuality This is a significant component of growth, that helps in the smooth sail of a 'ship.' But if your method of achieving growth is by demeaning your partner and comparing them to every Dick, Harry and Jane, you gain nothing. Remember as humans our strength and motivation differ. Accept your partner’s weakness and strength; do not force them into becoming who they are not, just to fit into your little picture of a perfect person. This has caused a lot of problems in relationships. Correct with l...

                                        A lot of us are guilty when it comes to showing affection to our partners, and that is why most issues in relationship stem from the lack of or frizzled affection between partners.  These days, people hold back from letting their feelings show as a result of several named and unnamed issues at the borders of life, and by so doing neglect those that really matter.  If you’re guilty of not showing enough, you can change course with the following ways. Do not Hold Back Compliment We are all aware of the power of compliment on us as humans; it can change the meanest person, it can even fix a person's sour day.  The truth is, it doesn’t matter how aware you think your partner is of their looks, success, and strength. Complimenting them can change their total outlook on themselves and the relationship. A recent study shows 70% o...

Communication in relationship is one important key that cannot be emphasized enough.We need someone to talk to; someone who understands our needs and feelings,  But, in not so good way communication is still a major malfunction in relationships. The big question is; Why is communication still an issue? What exactly are we not doing right? Stick with me here as we explore some possible reasons. Men and Women Communicate Differently The truth of the matter is, men and women speak different language, see and interpret things differently, but a closer look shows they are both driving at the same thing. I have come to realize that the reason communication is still a big problem in relationships is because, couples think they hear themselves speak, but actually don't  listen. Most Couples Have a Selective Perception A lot of couples are battling and will continue to with communication,  because they only perceive what they desire to and ignore other view points when...

Having a near perfect relationship begins with you, I use the word "near perfect" because alot of people out there believe the concept of a perfect relationship is an illusion. The truth of the matter is, having a perfect relationship have nothing to do with you as a good person. You can be good and get put down by people you love, they fall in love with at first and then want you to become something else. Often times, these things have little to do with the person you are with. You have to see and treat yourself in a certain way before the other person can . Below are steps on improving yourself in a relationship. Mental pictures It all starts in your head, imagine and create a successful picture about yourself and relationship, see yourself in control of your life, see your relationship working out well, see who you will become, do not be scared of how big all these look in  your head. Work on your self esteem This largely determines what happens in your life {h...

          Relationships are not always easy, but it should be a ground to become a better partner.  Life itself is a learning ground and so is relationship, no one is a champion at it, we learn from our past experiences and are still learning from the present. There is always room to learn more, and I hope these six ways of becoming a better partner helps someone learn some more. Self Evaluation Relationship requires work, and if you want to be a better partner, you have to observe and analyze your actions in order to improve where you're lagging. Ask yourself some important questions such as; Are you doing things that are as annoying as your partner? Are you hurting them more than you feel they're hurting you?  By asking these questions, you might realize you're doing the exact things you complain about, the only difference being that your partner is matured enough not to whine about it. Be Mindful of Your Words These days, we are all deal...

A few weeks back, I made a post on the aforementioned topic, and recieved more than a dozen emails and direct messages asking me to "broaden the topic." So, here we are. This is my little effort at making the said topic "broader." I will be direct as usually. ('Cause I can't help myself)  Most times I'd rather leave the topices short and simple so the message I'm trying to convey is not lost. For everyone who asked for more, this is for you.  Fingers crossed every missing tidbit in the last post is found here. You're in Charge of your emotions Truth is, anger can make you say or do things you'd probably regret. Always remember that you're in control when it comes to your emotions and not the other way. If you can remember this forgiveness comes easily. Focus on what you love about your   partner If you're struggling to forgive your partner for something big they did, it might be time to reflect on the things you lov...

A few weeks ago, a close friend of mine called me.  "E I'd really love to see you," She said and hung up, there was an urgency in her voice that really worried me.  We fixed a lunch date at Fresh Dew (Jabi lake Mall). I felt I was going to need a crystal ball for our conversation because she wasn't a talker and I was more of the listener. Luckily, whatever was bothering her made her loosen up. It was obvious she was struggling to hold back the water wells. "Ade is cheating on me," She blurted out.  I looked on without blinking. To cut the long story short, she had her suspicion about her cheating husband for a while, but didnt let it soak, somehow she found out and he came clean. What hurt most, was the fact that he was cheating on her with his ex. She was devastated and didnt know what to do, but love him regardless. She was ready to cut her losses and leave, but took into consideration my counsel and things are gradually picking up.  I know a l...

I read 'Sixteenth Round' by Robin 'Hurricane' Carter (true story) in the book 'hate, injustice caused Mr. Hurricane 20 years of his life (spent behind bars as a prisoner because he was framed up for murders he did not commit) but, he was saved by the friendship of a young boy.  It made me realize that in life there are no coincidence, everything was designed to work according to the laws of nature. Following the story, and how he was mistreated, it would have been expected of him to be bitter, filled with hate and revenge, and looked down on the young boy by underestimating his friendship, (after several appeals to his case was negated) but he didn't  and that friendship bought him his freedom.  My point in the opening story is that whatever situation you are in, whatever you are going through don’t give up, do not underestimate the strength of anyone, do not throw away the little help that could be your key to freedom. Nothing happens by chanc...

No one is entirely immune to the legendary cupid's arrow, we've all felt or will feel it at a time. The signs are obvious when you're falling for someone, thinking about them every second, the nervous feeling when around them, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach, the unquenchable desire to hear from them and the need to look spiffy  just to impress them. The truth is, no one can tell when this thing happen, there are no maps of the change falling in love brings and most times it happens when you think you're past that sort of thing or not ready for it. Your Relationship doesn't Feel Forced Being with your partner feels easy, you don't have to work hard to make things take their desired form. To spend time with them becomes what you really want, even a day spent together is not enough. When you argue, it's no longer a battle of superiority like it used to in the past, you're not worried to accept your fault and apologize.  You get ...