How To Deal With Insecurity In Relationship

It takes time to pick oneself up after a bad relationship, and when we do it makes us feel emotionally vulnerable we always feel the past will come back to bite us, we begin to suspect the people we are with and misinterprete everything they do by being anxious and practically making ourselves detective and judge over their actions  even when we know our partners are decent, caring and honest people. This insecurity has led some people to end their relationships before their partner even get a hint of what is happening- with the excuse that it is better to walk away rather than risk the hurt of being abandoned.

An insecured person can confuse imagination with reality, just like the artist considers painting as a pathway across dimensions, same can be said of the way an insecured perceive their relationship, such a person will interpret every action of his/her partner in a thousand way. They feel every acquaintance or friend is concealing something about their partner they are not aware of. The over imaginative insecured will take a friendly chat with the waiter at the restaurant as flirting. They always assume their imagination represent reality when it's the opposite. It's important to differentiate between imagination and reality.

Most of the time we let what has happened to us bend our perception of what is happening now making us become too demanding and clingy. A friend who was dealing with insecurity told me of how she gets suspicious anytime her husband steps out of the house, and whenever he was quiet, i remember telling her that "if you let the man be him, he will respect you enough not to disrespect you" My point respect your partner's privacy, stop the jealousy thing and the mind reading game, as you have the rights to your thoughts without being questioned so does your partner give your relationship a room to breathe.

Take it or leave it people respond to their relationship based on past experience. If they were with an abusive person in the past they become defensive by so doing controlling their partner. If you really want to deal with insecurity in relationship it entails becoming less controlling stop putting pressure on your partner like this is what you want, this is how you want this and that done, setting some scary trap for them or trying out some kind of love test just to know if they really love you or not. This kind of things cause tension in relationship looking for uncertainty where it doesn't exist by questioning your partner's efforts, let go of the uncertainty and enjoy what you have because nothing is certain.

I believe there is good in all of us, everyone has that good thing peculiar to them well, until the person is pushed to the wall. My point it is better you focus on the good side of your partner. To help you do this i suggest you write a list of all the things you like about them and what you dislike beside it. If the good supercedes the wrong i suggest it's about time you focus on that good.