My Thoughts

Criticism is an essential tool for growth in relationships, but becomes a malfunction if taken to the extreme.  I know there is the need for us to be critical with our words, just for the aim of pushing our partner to become a better person or like the next person we secretly admire. According to Psychotherapist and Sex Therapist Caitlyn Cantor "It is what you do with criticism that determines whether it will build closeness or not." Accept your partner’s individuality This is a significant component of growth, that helps in the smooth sail of a 'ship.' But if your method of achieving growth is by demeaning your partner and comparing them to every Dick, Harry and Jane, you gain nothing. Remember as humans our strength and motivation differ. Accept your partner’s weakness and strength; do not force them into becoming who they are not, just to fit into your little picture of a perfect person. This has caused a lot of problems in relationships. Correct with l

                                        A lot of us are guilty when it comes to showing affection to our partners, and that is why most issues in relationship stem from the lack of or frizzled affection between partners.  These days, people hold back from letting their feelings show as a result of several named and unnamed issues at the borders of life, and by so doing neglect those that really matter.  If you’re guilty of not showing enough, you can change course with the following ways. Do not Hold Back Compliment We are all aware of the power of compliment on us as humans; it can change the meanest person, it can even fix a person's sour day.  The truth is, it doesn’t matter how aware you think your partner is of their looks, success, and strength. Complimenting them can change their total outlook on themselves and the relationship. A recent study shows 70% of people who cheat on their partners do so, when they feel noticed and complimented by others. Accept your par

Communication in relationship is one important key that cannot be emphasized enough.We need someone to talk to; someone who understands our needs and feelings,  But, in not so good way communication is still a major malfunction in relationships. The big question is; Why is communication still an issue? What exactly are we not doing right? Stick with me here as we explore some possible reasons. Men and Women Communicate Differently The truth of the matter is, men and women speak different language, see and interpret things differently, but a closer look shows they are both driving at the same thing. I have come to realize that the reason communication is still a big problem in relationships is because, couples think they hear themselves speak, but actually don't  listen. Most Couples Have a Selective Perception A lot of couples are battling and will continue to with communication,  because they only perceive what they desire to and ignore other view points when it comes

Having a near perfect relationship begins with you, I use the word "near perfect" because alot of people out there believe the concept of a perfect relationship is an illusion. The truth of the matter is, having a perfect relationship have nothing to do with you as a good person. You can be good and get put down by people you love, they fall in love with at first and then want you to become something else. Often times, these things have little to do with the person you are with. You have to see and treat yourself in a certain way before the other person can . Below are steps on improving yourself in a relationship. Mental pictures It all starts in your head, imagine and create a successful picture about yourself and relationship, see yourself in control of your life, see your relationship working out well, see who you will become, do not be scared of how big all these look in  your head. Work on your self esteem This largely determines what happens in your life {h

          Relationships are not always easy, but it should be a ground to become a better partner.  Life itself is a learning ground and so is relationship, no one is a champion at it, we learn from our past experiences and are still learning from the present. There is always room to learn more, and I hope these six ways of becoming a better partner helps someone learn some more. Self Evaluation Relationship requires work, and if you want to be a better partner, you have to observe and analyze your actions in order to improve where you're lagging. Ask yourself some important questions such as; Are you doing things that are as annoying as your partner? Are you hurting them more than you feel they're hurting you?  By asking these questions, you might realize you're doing the exact things you complain about, the only difference being that your partner is matured enough not to whine about it. Be Mindful of Your Words These days, we are all dealing with endless amoun

A few weeks back, I made a post on the aforementioned topic, and recieved more than a dozen emails and direct messages asking me to "broaden the topic." So, here we are. This is my little effort at making the said topic "broader." I will be direct as usually. ('Cause I can't help myself)  Most times I'd rather leave the topices short and simple so the message I'm trying to convey is not lost. For everyone who asked for more, this is for you.  Fingers crossed every missing tidbit in the last post is found here. You're in Charge of your emotions Truth is, anger can make you say or do things you'd probably regret. Always remember that you're in control when it comes to your emotions and not the other way. If you can remember this forgiveness comes easily. Focus on what you love about your   partner If you're struggling to forgive your partner for something big they did, it might be time to reflect on the things you lov

A few weeks ago, a close friend of mine called me.  "E I'd really love to see you," She said and hung up, there was an urgency in her voice that really worried me.  We fixed a lunch date at Fresh Dew (Jabi lake Mall). I felt I was going to need a crystal ball for our conversation because she wasn't a talker and I was more of the listener. Luckily, whatever was bothering her made her loosen up. It was obvious she was struggling to hold back the water wells. "Ade is cheating on me," She blurted out.  I looked on without blinking. To cut the long story short, she had her suspicion about her cheating husband for a while, but didnt let it soak, somehow she found out and he came clean. What hurt most, was the fact that he was cheating on her with his ex. She was devastated and didnt know what to do, but love him regardless. She was ready to cut her losses and leave, but took into consideration my counsel and things are gradually picking up.  I know a l