Domestic Violence

I made an audio on ''domestic violence'' a while ago and shared amongst my contacts as anticipated because of the delicate nature of the topic I got a lot of comments, but a particular comment blew my wheels which is actually the reason for this post here is a verbatim of his message
 ''most of these women deserve what they get, they are stubborn when you ask them to do something they end up doing the opposite, they give unsolicited advice and these can be aggravating so hitting them becomes an option"
(Yes, I had that exact look on your face too) For the benefit of doubt I asked what he would do if his sister's husband beats her up, and his response was;
 ''nothing, she probably deserved it" at this point I almost fell off my chair.


I tried giving him some lectures on how a woman is supposed to be treated with respect, I tried telling him how wrong he was to think of his partner in such demeaning way, I even tried explaining to him about the equality of all individuals before the law letting him know she was not his subordinate or slave, and a home shouldn't be run like a military barrack where everyone is prim and proper when the general is around, but he wasn't ready to listen so I left him with one of my favourite quotes "control is what separates the higher orders from the lower" and urged him to make control his watchword. (don't ask what became of our friendship)


That day I realized domestic violence was deeper than I thought and was beyond cultural and religious background with my little knowledge of psychology I knew he might have grown up in a family where abuse was common, and believes it is normal to abuse one's partner not knowing it's abnormal and unhealthy I knew he needed to heal from what has eaten deep into him, and above all  a professional help.


My point in is, most of these abusers find it difficult in taking responsibility in order to help make a change. These abusers give excuses as seen in the story I shared which showed the man's insistence in trying to control his partner. Abuse comes in several ways it could be emotional, financial, verbal, phisical and sexual control over a person. Most times we might fail to recognise what our partners do when angry like; pinching, hitting, slapping, choking and yelling these are signs you ought not ignore.
Another issue is that most women cover up and stay in violent relationships this could be as a result of  a sense of inferiority where they don't know their worth and allow themselves to be insulted and mistreated by their partners. There is also the fear of being harmed if they leave, fear of not finding someone good enough to satisfy their sexual and financial needs. In order to help make a change in the world it's important for parent to start teaching  young boys how to respect women from an early age.